Had a heart break? Thinking about it all the time? Is the emotional pain excruciatingly heart wrenching?
Remember this line from the Dark Night Trilogy Films:
Alfred: “Why do we fall Master Bruce? … So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”
Now what can be done is to just be truthful, know what happened and prepare your mind to accept it all. After that, it’s just moving on. The information below suggests a time targeted step by step procedure to help develop a clear insight and get over the problem. If it isn’t applicable, its methodology could surely be.
- Self-reflection (Day 1,2,3):
Commit to set a specific time (a few hours or days) to the situation (what happened and how it happened) and just reason it out. By that, it means to either write it down or talk about this with someone. Don’t just express plainly, express with a goal of sticking to the truth and the goal of getting over it. Now you may ask what the difference is. A lot actually. Very often, the mind is such that it wants to lean over to the sadness and cling to that feeling of self-sympathy. This is mind’s way of giving recognition to the hurt caused to you (like in case of Devdas). Instead of that, give your mind that same recognition by yourself. Here is what can be done:
- Writing down all significant events, assessing them over and finally knowing that ultimate decisions were never in your control is one way will help you realize that moving on is the best option now.
- Or Meeting some close friend or counselor, talking things over with them from start to end and realizing that not everything is under your control.
- Or talking with self, expressing emotionally while strolling in some secluded place or travelling also helps.
While doing the above, try to stop imposing blame on others or yourself and forgive everyone and more importantly yourself for whatever happened. You may set one to three days for this task and do your best to get this done within that time. You may cry, shout, hit the punch bag or do whatever is necessary to get things out of you during this stage.
The result of this process shall be that you will have run the entire thoughts and emotional images over with enough attention to all. This will provide your mind with the recognition it needs. The three sub stages of this are Address, Express and Forgive. The final result will be – Acceptance.
- Disconnect (Day 4, 5):
Once all that work of self-reflection, analysis is done, your mind needs to connect to the sub-conscious to acknowledge all the right points of it. So the best way to do that is to simply disconnect with your present strenuous lifestyle. Therefore pursue some hobby class or take a small getaway or just visit the mall and watch films and simply enjoy yourself.
This stage is vital for getting back the confidence to move on as this is when the mind will learn by itself to not depend upon the tendency of brooding.
Now while watching a film, do not select a tragic love story to watch or read. Just involve yourself in something entirely opposite and exciting. Final result: Getting mind blank for reprogramming.
- Plan the future (Day 6,7):
Now that you have dealt with the past and your mind has connected with the sub conscious, you need to give your mind some attention to what’s most important now. Other than love life, there are things that you may need to work on like career, investments, develop social connections, improve some skills etc. Immerse yourself into planning those things. When you do this (i.e., plan), the mind begins to register this as more important priority and acknowledges that there are more important things in life than repeatedly addressing the past. Final result is – Your mind will be reprogrammed with right priorities.
Having done this, your mind will now know that letting go is healthy and automatically forgive all that happened.