How old are you? Shouldn’t you be married by now?”
“Now next is your turn”
“Get married fast else your hair will start turning grey or you will start looking elderly, then who will marry you?”
“Why is she not getting married? Does she have someone in her life?”
Can you relate with all these questions? I definitely can and that too since the time I turned 20 years old i.e. as soon as I completed my graduation. Rather you could say just when I was about to complete my graduation.I know girls (friends & relatives) who got married or were asked to get married from the time they turned 18yrs old and most of them got married before turning 20 which means without even completing their graduation. Luckily for me there was no family pressure till the time I completed all my studies i.e., till I became a Chartered Accountant. Though society did put pressure on my family, they somehow did not let it come down to me through them at least. But after completing my CA I feel the entire world is behind my life to get me married as if this is the most important event they need to witness in their life.
Frankly I have been so studious and career oriented all my life that I really thought there was no necessity for anyone to get married or at least for me. I loved my life the way it was. I mean why should I go to somebody else’s house and do household chores? (That’s the only idea I thought marriage was about). But someone once told me, “Marriage is about companionship. After your parents that one person will be there for you, with you, by you.” And this statement was enough to change my view regarding marriage.
So with all this HuHah about marriage going around, I started wondering what exactly is the right age to get married? And who exactly would be the right person to get married to? To find these answers I spoke on this topic with almost every girl I could speak to who is married or about to marry, is divorced or widowed or is facing the same issues like mine and also I read articles on the internet.
“It seems good before marriage but after marriage I’ve got all crazy with the responsibilities”
“I wish I completed my studies before marriage, I don’t even have time to read a book now”
“Such a pain it is to be married, you have to listen to everyone and nobody listens to you”
“You don’t get married early, take your time, achieve your goals, find a guy who supports you and then settle”
Also there were some who said
“I love being married to the person I love”
“Marriage has its own pros, I love it”
With all this and over a period of time I realized one thing for sure, it is not marriage that girls had the problems with but the guy and his family is everything that mattered. There is no right age for everybody in general for marriage, you choose your own time to marry. It is when you feel you are now ready to share responsibilities of a new family is when you are ready for marriage. With regards to the right guy there is no list of qualities that could decide how a perfect guy would be, but a guy who understands you and gives you the freedom to be you, the one who makes you happy when you are with him would be the one (other qualities as per individual choice 😉 )
After this, the next question in line was ‘Arranged marriage v/s Love marriage’
Frankly when I was very young, I also thought that I will have an arranged marriage just like it is shown in the television. I will serve them tea when they come to see me and probably that is why the first thing I learnt to cook was how to make tea. But with time I stopped believing in the prophecy of arranged marriage (the lines further are completely my opinion, however people have found wonderful life partners & true love as well in arranged marriage and I have no intention of disrespecting any of them). Firstly, I don’t want anyone to come to see me, ask me questions and judge me. Secondly, marriage is not a business deal where I list down my requirements, he puts his and we agree to the final terms of the deal. Thirdly, I am a Chartered accountant, I can never invest in anything without calculating the risk & rewards of the same. For eg: a mere decision of buying 1 share involves research and tracking of performance of the stock for months before deciding to buy the same, then how can I agree to marry someone I met probably a few days ago? We both have to invest our entire life in this relationship and both, us along with our families need to be happy with this. This thing just can’t be compromised. So I decided to opt for love marriage and was of the view that I will manage to find the right one for me someday.
We can’t ignore the fact that inter-religion marriages are still not much in prevalence in this country. However, I wouldn’t go much in detail about this one as it a very subjective matter (I believe one can find love, respect and understanding in a guy of any religion and religion shouldn’t be an obstruction as long as both the partners have the freedom to follow what they want)
One more criteria that prevails in most of India is that of “An Astrologer”, who plays the role of third umpire in marriages. That means after finding the guy, deciding to get married and convincing the families to let you get married, there could be a huge obstruction from this one person, rather from the planets and stars (as he says).. Now, one can convince human beings but how do you convince the planets and stars to let you get married?
After going through all the above phases, I wonder if the excitement of beginning a new journey of life with this wonderful guy still remains in the heart of this girl?
I am still in search of the right moment when everything will fall in its place and am just hoping I don’t lose on all the excitement I’ve built in, in all these years.
Hope to see you at my wedding one day soon! (